| Aadvark: | a knife-wielding Mancunian vark. |
| Abbreviation: | what a cockney uses 'is lungs for. |
| Abduct: | minor pipe in one's midriff. |
| Abroad: | it's a woman, innit.
|
| Acne: | Scottish form of negation. |
| Additive: | tendency to overuse it. |
| Address: | female viper. |
| Adduct: | minor pipe in a plumbing system. |
| Adjudant (n): | an in
sect in the legal profession. |
| Admiral: | isn't Alexander a n
ice chap! |
| Adumbrate: | cost of replying
to spam. |
| Advancement (n): | 1.
a proposal to suggest using a vehicle to deliver a concrete company's promotiona
l flyers 2. adhesive used for attaching promotional material to vehicles. |
| Adversary: | lyrics to a comme
rcial. |
| Adverse (n): | 1. a rhyming advertisement. 2. to increase the length of a poem by one stanza. |
| Advert: | partially colour-blind. |
| Affect (v): | effect an effect. |
| After Life: | insurance policy collected by one's heirs. |
| After-Dinner Mint: | crucifixion tree. |
| Aftermath: | Geography. |
| Aftershock: | a smack on the head. |
| Agitator: | communist propaganda written on a spud. |
| Algorithm(v): | 1. encourage others to record their drum strokes for posterity. 2. a method of deciding whose turn it is to be drummer. 3. A kind of musical beat characterised by the runners-up in American presidential elections. |
| Alp: | a shouted request for assistance while skiing. |
| Alphabet: | the most bossy horse in a race. |
| Alpine: | the type of forest you might find here in my part of BCland (the alcedar kind is up the coast a ways)
. |
| Alternative: | missionary work
. |
| Altophobia: | fear of clarinets. |
| Amenditty (thinghy): | a song about sewing. |
| Amenity: | 1. the welcome end of a long church service. 2. a convenient way for a Yorkshireman to declare seriousness of intent. |
| Ammeter (n): | device to tell you if it's morning. |
| Ampifier: | slightlty dodgy electric current. |
| Anarchist: | one who favours vaulted door openings. |
| Andean: | one of a pair. |
| Annoy (n): | uttered
by an annoyed Hasid. |
| Annoyance (n): | 1. the action of reaching to switch on the kettle and then changing your mind at the last second. 2. The real reason for which the picnic table was invented. |
| Anode: | Oh, go on, guess |
| Anorka (n): | A large, swimming-type whatsit. |
| Antarctic (n): | a very cold insect. |
| Antedate (n): | an insect who has used on-line dating. |
| Antepenult: | a penult who is plagiarised by another penult |
| Antibably: | unlikely. |
| Antichrist: | the religious founder of insects. |
| Anticlimactic (n): | an insect for whom the earth has just moved. |
| Anticlimax (n): | Vatican roulette. |
| Antidepressant (n): | a resolutely cheerful insect. |
| Antigone: | your father's sister has left the building. |
| Antipasti: | insect-filled ravioli. |
| Antipodean (n): | a lethal insect. |
| Antipodean (n): | the type of insect that carries an MP3 player. |
| Antiquay: | a structure which all physicists and sailors know repels boats and ships, dictionaries and apihna habitues. |
| Antiquayty: | the opposite of a quay. |
| Antonym (n): | an insect adopting an Irish surname. |
| Antrum (n): | an insect's drink. |
| Apihna: | Cockney inquiry after one's welfare. |
| Apihnanated: | to extol the virtues of correct grammar and punctuation. |
| Apostrope (n): | The piece of cord that Judas Iscariot used to hang himself. |
| Apostrophe (n): | Prize awarded to those who lose their faith. ~s: loving cups bestowed by the Association for the Prevention of Osculation |
| Apotrophised: | made a winner's cup out of an old flowerpot. |
| Approximate (n): | so
meone you hire to service your partner while you're away on a business trip. |
| Arbitrate: | 1. (v) : to decide on the best Internet connection speed for Devon. 2. (n) what we get paid for not playing the starring role in a movie. |
| Arbitrator: | a cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. |
| Archive (n): | where Noah stored his bees. |
| Areola (n): | A desirable type of greeting when outdoors in Spain. |
| Arkansas: | what Noah used to make his boat. |
| Arrangement: | a brief recovery in progressive dementia. |
| Ash: | 1. a truncated sneeze. 2. a bottom, as far as Sean Connery is concerned. |
| Asp: | a donkey with a speech defect. |
| Aspen (adj): | abreast of things. |
| Asseverate (v): | to sign a letter with a friendly complimentary closing. |
| Assonance: | kill time (US). |
| Atone: | sound of a pitchfork.
|
| Austria: | back-end of large, non-flying bird. |
| Autistic: | self-adhesive. |
| Autograph: | route map. |
| Automata: | involuntary exclamation on seeing a vegetable. |
| Automobile (n): | 1. a self-propelling hanging decorative scuplture 2. crowd dynamics. |
| Automotive (n): | the habit of acting before you think. |
| Avoidable: | what a bullfighter tries to do. |