| Dactyl (n): | prehistoric bird's arse. |
| Dallas: | what a Jamaican calls his daughter. |
| Dandelion (n): | a large, trendy feline-about-town. |
| Deacon: | unrecidivise a prisoner. |
| Death: | to remove an ath (cf. Michael Erstone). |
| Debar: | a room in an Irish pub. |
| Debark: | the noise of an Irish dog. |
| Debit: | the small part of something in Ireland. |
| Debriefs: | an Irish pair of pants. |
| Debris (n): | ceremonial reattachment of foreskin. |
| Debugger: | an unpleasant Irishman. |
| Deceased: | 1. reanimated; a reanimated corpse, one risen from the dead, a vampire. 2. a double negative meaning to carry on with what you were doing. |
| Decelerated: | the way I prefer salad. |
| Decellarate: | fetch the wine. |
| Decide: | to become impartial. |
| Decrease: | whatta the Italian has upa de front ofa hees besta pants. |
| Deduction: | the removal of another nobleman (see Circumcision, Countdown, Discount, Regicide). |
| Defenestrate (vt): | 1. the act of installing linux. 2. the act of abolishing all Intel-designed-CPU boxes, for example as has always been the situation at the Kent-based establishment known as "Château John". |
| Define: | to withdraw a demand for monetary compensation for illegal activities. |
| Delicatessen (n): | 1. an easily breakable purveyor of cured and smoked meats 2. where Germans go to eat curried felines. |
| Delight: | to extinguish a candle. |
| Demand: | to have had a sex change, from male to female. |
| Demise: | to make a rich person very generous. |
| Denislaw: | a law of nature by which one's downfall is brought about by a once-favoured son. |
| Denominator: | person who proposes a candidate for election. |
| Departmental: | leucotomy. |
| Dependant (n): | small social insect with strong swimming skills. |
| Dervish (adj; probably mainly Leftpondian): | rather like diesel oil. |
| Descend (vi): | to reach down to the floor in order to pick up a pen that has rolled off the edge of your table |
| Describe: | deprive a king of his historian. |
| Deserve: | to remove all food and cutlery from a table. |
| Desisted: | state of having one's female sibling run off with the milkman. |
| Desive: | what de dyslexic Yankee carpenter uses to hold de wood for sawing. |
| Device: | 1. what de carpenter uses to hold de wood for sawing 2. how the carpenter releases wood, once sawn. |
| Devise: | what de Yankee carpenter uses to hold de wood for sawing. |
| Devolution (n): | the process by which the Alphabet People decided on their own that the letter "d" should lose some of its curliness when made upper-case. |
| Diagnosis (n): | failure to understand what's wrong with the patient, despite a second medical opinion. {ety: di- *two* + a- *not, negation* + gnosis *knowledge*} |
| Diagnostic (n arch.): | 1. a test to support a claim that the accused ought to be burnt for heresy. 2. a person uncertain of the answer to two questions. 3. a repetitive muscle spasm caused by the suspense of waiting to hear what the doctor says. 4. a crossword puzzle with no horizontal and/or vertical clues. |
| Diarrhoea (US diarrhea): | pelling invented by teachers to catch out kids who forge sick notes. |
| Dicey die (n): | rather posh barn dance move. |
| Dichotomy: | the cradle of the Welsh. |
| Dictionary: | the circumstance that arises when Richard ignores Harold. |
| Diktat: | kitsch accessories sold by a sex shop. |
| Dilator: | an expanding spud. |
| Dilute (n): | Welsh player of an old stringed instrument. |
| Diode: | a famous Welsh poet. |
| Dipsomane: | one obsessed by sewing at the beach. |
| Dipthongs: | footwear commonly found at the beach. |
| Diptongs: | implements for removing big toes from scalding batwater. |
| Direction: | Dodi's last stand. |
| Disappear: | a Dutch fisherman's answer to the question. |
| Disbelief: | Satanism. |
| Disclose: | 1. to put a CD on a cluttered desk and then be unable to find it later when it's needed. 2. Just how near you can get to a wiseguy before you're in trouble. 3. Singular form of "dese clothes". 4. Term to describe the attire of a deceased member of the British Royal Family. 5. the final thoughts of Dodi Al-Fayed. 6. What happened on the Boulevard Peripherique in Paris on August 31, 1997. |
| Discombobulation: | 1. The joy Robert feels as he donates sperm. 2. a howl brought on by an explosion in a 70s nightclub. 3. the cry of joy emitted by one who successfully purchases only one part of a package deal. |
| Discontent (n): | 1. A DJ's box of records etc.. 2. not what's recorded on a Digital Audio Tape 3. a glum dance party held under canvas 4 (v) to fire one's writers, or to slag off their writing 5. how frisbee enthusiasts gently - but hilariously - rouse sleeping campers early on Sunday mornings 6. empty 7. Loud music and dancing at the campsite 8. opposite of datcontent. |
| Discount: | the removal of yet another nobleman (see Circumcision, Countdown, Regicide). |
| Discrepancy: | gainful employment in the computer mass storage industry. |
| Discrete (v): | 1. to bad-mouth Greek islands 2. proprietary brand cement remover. |
| Discuss (n phrase): | 1. this swear word, right here, Pal. Anyone got a problem widdat? 2. (v) stop swearing. |
| Disintegration: | failing a Maths exam. |
| Dismay (v): | o bad-mouth months of the year |
| Dismember (v): | to bad-moth people belonging to a group, club, or organisation |
| Disourse (n): | not the same as dat 'orse over dere. |
| Dispell: | Princess Orthography. |
| Dispicable: | the inability to remove fruit from its plant or tree. |
| Distress (v): | the occupation of a barber. |
| Diverse (n): | Poetry about the late Princess of Wales 2. a famous Welsh poet. |
| Dogma: | 1. Korean variation on mild creamy curry dish 2. not just enigma. |
| Dominatrix: | A woman who cheats at dominos. |
| Don Quixote: | a pretentious ass. |
| Dot product: | Something you ordered, but didn't receive, from a dot.com company. |
| Doughnut: | a donut filled with something disgusting. |
| Dr.: | abbreviation for Dirty raincoat. |
| Duty: | a well-earned drink. |
| Dystrophy: | your 'orses 'ead stuffed and mounted on my wall. |