| Faculty (n scots): | a vanishingly small quantity of a brewed drink. "Woman! There's faculty left in the pot!". |
| Fanatic (noun) : | 1. a person who chooses not to install his/her air- conditioning in the basement, and violently defends the decision. 2. (South African) spelling words the way they sound. |
| Fantastic! (interj.): | A GREAT NEW CARBONATED ORANGE-DRINK THAT ATTACHES TO ANYTHING!!!!!! |
| Far (n): | [in RP] just; a carnival, esp. one with mechanical rides. |
| Farthingale: | small beer giving rise to the expression: "drunk for a penny; dead drunk for twopence". |
| Fate (n): | Wot will 'appen after alotta feats. |
| Feat (n): | When I does alotta finking. |
| Fees (n): | The stuff wot I 'ave 'ere. |
| Felately: | 1. getting your post in 2. having recently tripped. |
| Fell swoop: | hang-gliding manoeuvre. |
| Fellatio: | the proportion of women who trip over during oral sex. |
| Fellatrix: | the way she keeps him amused. |
| Fem (n): | Stuff wot you got there. |
| Feminine: | a girls' baseball team. |
| Ferros: | 1. The disk operating system of the Iron Age. 2. not for them. |
| Fetish (adj): | resembling Greek goat's-milk cheese. |
| Fey (n): | them wot is never singular, or else (see fret). |
| Fido: | ancient Greek plasticine. |
| Fight (v): | Wot I does when I'm not finking. |
| Final resolution: | a decision to accept the answer that appeared most frequently when resolving several times. |
| Fink (v): | Wot I does when I ain't doin' nuffink else. |
| Flagrant lie: | what Japanese golfers get after they hook into the cherry trees. |
| Flatulence (n): | 1. What you feel on downsizing from a house to an apartment. 2. A vehicle to take you to hospital after being run down by a steamroller. |
| Flaw: | a rule forbidding exam failure. |
| Fleming: | posting insults on alt.chat.south-africa. |
| Flesh (adj): | what a Japanese feels like after using their deodolant. |
| Fletcher (v): | to bring, as in, "Fletcher meah ice-cleem." |
| Flip-flop: | political logic. |
| Flyer (n): | a Japanese appliance for cooking potato chips. |
| Flynnery (v): | to behave grumpily in newsgroups. |
| Followup: | what you might, under suitable circumstances, do [to] a poster who was not crossposting, if said poster were of an appropriate gender. |
| Followup: | what you might, under suitable circumstances, do [to] a poster who was not crossposting, if said poster were of an appropriate gender. |
| Forsake (vt): | 1. give up one's favourite geisha in order to have money for one's favourite alcoholic drink. 2. exclamation of disgust, expletive deleted. |
| Fortnight: | 1. a lazy or cowardly cavalier. 2. a cockney response to an unexpected eclipse. 3. The duration of said eclipse. |
| Forwhich (n): | a sandwich with double the normal amount of bread in it |
| Fought (v): | Wot I did yesterday when I wasn't doin' nuffink else. |
| Fragrant: | characteristic odour of a homeless person. |
| Francophile: | dossier on a Spanish dictator. |
| Frank Zappa (n): | a microwave oven. |
| Freelance: | 1. treatment of a boil on the national NHS service. 2. campaign slogan of the "Stop Using Chimpanzees in Children's Shows" campaign. |
| Fret (n): | 'ow I try to convert fem to fees. |
| Frisket: | a strange feeling. |
| Frisky: | state of excitement experienced mostly at airports. |
| Full Point: | what an Irishman gets in a pub, or else! |
| Fump (n): | 'ow vem become vees (if frets dunt work). |
| Furrow (n): | a line of mink coats. |