| Laconic (adj): | descriptive of Californian fraudsters. |
| Laconicus: | Latin for "sauna". |
| Laird: | ugly upper class Celt. |
| Large: | same term as used with toothpaste packages, meaning "quite small". |
| Latest: | 1. the newest method of grading a person's ability to speak French 2.(oozit) approximation to upper body muscle. |
| Latvia (n): | 1. A country through which all roads to Rome passed. 2. An intermediate language step between the speech of Ug the Neanderthal and modern English. |
| Leckshules: | South Africans without synagogues. |
| Left Bank: | what the robber did when his bag was full of loot. |
| Leonberger: | fat-free junk food. |
| Lesbottomies: | La Petomane's backing band. |
| Letching: | visiting Letchworth. |
| Letter: | standard response by mothers to father's refusal to allow teenage daughter to attend a dance. (Letter go: she's only young once!) |
| Letters: | 1. pray 2. bounders 3. whingeing demand, as in "Our mam, letters bunk off skule today.". |
| Lexicographer: | Superman's nemesis and I give pain to the woman's knuckles with a small mechanical device. |
| Lieu (n): | where one does one's business, when the W.C. is unavailable. |
| Life insurance policy: | guarantee of a place in prison. |
| Liking: | inserting dogs into orbital capsules. |
| Liminade: | help getting a flier back out from under one's door. |
| Line: | bedding for people with gout. |
| Liposuction: | fellatio. |
| Liver (n): | viable organ. |
| Lobotomy: | a Frenchman's preferred genital penetration location. |
| Lobster: | slow bowler (cricket). |
| Logarithm (v): | record your drum strokes for posterity. |
| Logic (adj): | of Masonic props. |
| Logistics (n): | fleas found in a Masonic Hall. |
| Loiter (n): | an essential accessory for smokers from Birmingham. |
| Lomarmite(n): | an inferior yeast extract. |
| Loque: | the opposite of a quay. |
| Lugubrious: | 1. many legs. 2. someone addicted to jigsaws. 3. someone with larger than average ears. |