| Mahogany: | the lifetime commitment to a single wood. |
| Mail-Order Company: | a bureaucratic chain gang. |
| Mail-order Company: | a bureaucratic chain gang. |
| Malady: | the proverbial cat's mother. |
| Malcontents: | famous actor Mr McDowell's investigative programme into camping equipment. |
| Malign: | to write home. |
| Manager (n): | CEO Father Time. |
| Manger: | 1. (v) to give an unmentionable disease to a much-loved sheep. 2. (n): person who gives an unmentionable disease to a much-loved sheep. |
| Manometer (n): | warning device used by feminists |
| Married Life: | insurance policy which supercedes Shelf Life policy on taking the vow. |
| Marsupial (adj): | full of goodness and other bits. |
| Massachewsits: | the home of bubble gum. |
| Massachooseits: | right-thinking teachers eschew it's as a possessive. |
| Master: | tar. |
| Mastiff: | very bulky erection. |
| Mastitis: | film title (released in the US as: "Dances with Pigs"). |
| Masturbator (n): | the man in charge at the bull-baiting. |
| Matelote: | sailor's dinner. |
| Maximum: | profound silence. |
| McCaffreys: | chips served at a Scottish roadside diner. |
| Mendicant (n): | an insect that repairs computer networks. |
| Metaphor: | 1. Five. 2. made the acquaintence of a person whose physical attractiveness was below the median on the one-to-ten scale. 3. Large contusion caused by walking across a golf fairway. 4. The front legs of a bulldog. |
| Metempsychosis (n): | a mental condition who's sufferers experience deja vu whenever introduced to someone. |
| Mho (proper noun): | one of the three Shtooges. See also: Churly, Lharry. |
| Milkshake: | cow on a vibrating toning table. |
| Minbari: | "Don't take drinks out of the in-room refreshment centre." |
| Mince (n): | the smallest amount of it (Fr). |
| Minimal: | just sick enough to take the day off and watch TV. |
| Minit: | small insect to be found on my head until I got rid of it. |
| Minty: | a small refreshing brew made from dried leaves and boiling water. |
| Misanthropism: | a female werewolf. |
| Misery: | a pub where no-one buys his own drinks. |
| Missouri: | an unhappy state. |
| Misspell: | a skinny young woman; a (nude) model. |
| Mistress (n): | a bald concubine. |
| Misty: | how golfers create divots. |
| Modem: | 'swat gardeners do to lawns, innit. |
| Moderated: | act of a Rocker selling his Harley, buying a scooter and getting a haircut. |
| Modicum: | a male who can't keep it up very long. |
| Mogul: | a Dutch mountain. |
| Monk: | small ape in captivity. |
| Monsoon (phr., chiefly West Indies): | "The rain will stop eventually." |
| Montana: | what Anne's boyfriend does every now and again. |
| Morassic Park: | where the few remaining large bottomed lived. |
| Motorola: | an increasing amount of people the street who like to start arguments on newsgroups. |
| Motorway: | an automated technique |
| Mourning: | the period that comes after the the dead of night before. |
| Muckspreading (v): | the process of making a Marmite(tm) and grits sandwich. |
| Mule: | a sorrowful ass. |
| Munchausens by Proxy: | restaurants on the Web. |
| Muppet: | 1. small animal kept as a companion by a mup 2. What Yorkshire folk do to spillages. |
| Mutator: | a spud that can alter its wavelength genetically. |
| Mux: | a circuit that messes everything up. |
| Mystic (n): | 1. not YOUR dowsing-rod. 2. a video-game rendering chip. 3. to mark one's ballot for the wrong candidate by accident. 4. everyone's favourite teacher. 5. The Queen of the annual Lyme Disease Festival. 6. to glue the wrong gerbil to the wall. 7. that special female twitch. 8. a repellent kind of fog. 9. possessive it's. |