| T-shirt: | an informal dinner jacket. |
| Tailback: | the opposite of forehead, but facing the other way |
| Taliban: | prohibition on the publishing of casualty lists. |
| Tangent (n): | A well-bred man who spends too much time in the sun. |
| Tartarus: | whoresale distributor. |
| Telecast (n): | a meeting to decide which actor will play the new Kojak in the Savalas Story (coming to a syndicated channel near you very soon....). |
| Telecommunications (n): | conversations with Kojak. |
| Telegram (n): | unit of weight used to measure the mass of a Kojak. |
| Telegraph (n): | print out of Kojak's temperature when he is in hospital. |
| Teleport (n): | 1. the part of your computer where you plug in your TV-decoder card. 2. The harbour near Kojak's house. |
| Television: | a nude picture of Savalas. |
| Temptress (n): | 1. a female secretary who wears her hair in an almost irresistable fashion. 2. a wig. 3. a love-'em-and-leave-'em kinda gal. |
| Testicle (n): | A short, multiple-choice examination where the candidate has to choose the correct answer from the set [0,1,2,7,19] |
| Testimony (n): | 1. evidence, esp. that given in a court case involving allegations of counterfeit currency. 2. sound made by a male suffering from pain in the genitalia. 3. statements made in an irate whining voice. 4. the method for determining the counterfeicy of currency. |
| Terrier: | more loopy. |
| Teuton: | unit of measurement to define the United States' annual per capita consumption of gum. |
| Texas: | nerd's rear end. |
| Theory of Relativity (thingy): | The belief that a family is a circle of vultures ... erm, love. Yeah, that's it... Love. |
| Tic Tac Dough: | the stuff from which they make the Tic Tacs. |
| Tinker: | 1. an unobtrusive fairy. 2. a metal dog. 3. Irish philosopher. |
| Titration (n): | The amount of milk that a baby may consume at one visit. |
| Toilet: | dinky car rental. |
| Tongue: | member of Chinese Mafia. |
| Topeka: | What happens when a Southern exotic dancer removes her blouse. |
| Tornado: | fuss about a rip in one's clothes. |
| Traitor: | Arr, 'e's no spud! |
| Transplant: | marijuana. |
| Trochee (n): | croquet played by giants, using trees and MacDonalds' signs. |
| Troll (n): | a variety of crumpet. |
| Tyrant: | exercising a small insect to the point of exhaustion. |